Culture of One

Culture of One: Derek Boyle

My parents are both very loving and nurturing. My mom had a very bad childhood growing up, and she promised herself that she would never allow her children to go through the same experiences. My dad is a very successful, hard-working salesman who grew up without a healthy father-figure in his life, and that has caused us to have a very strained relationship. I believe that family does not mean that two people share common blood or distant relatives, but that family are two (or more) people who love each other and want to have a close relationship with each other.

My mom was born in Tacoma Washington and she and her two younger siblings were raised in a very poor and sketchy neighborhood. Her parents did not show or say that they loved her while she was growing up, and that has led to my immediate family cutting her family out of our lives. My dad was born and raised in Bellevue Washington and has a younger sister, but they have no relationship and I have only seen her a few times in my life. My dad's parents divorced when he was nine years old, and his father was very neglectful and verbally abusive toward him after the divorce. His mom was very loving and tried her best to provide for her children, but they did not have a lot of money and she always worried about what she would feed them for meals.

When my parents were dating, my dad introduced my mom to his God-parents, Ritz and Pearl Tadema. Ritz and Pearl had been very strong influences in my dad's life as he grew up, and saw them as second parents and loved their seven children as if they were his own siblings, and they loved him like a brother. When my mom met the Tadema's, they immediately loved her and thoroughly showed and expressed that love to her as they got to know her. She had finally found the parents that she had never had in life, and when she was 27 years old, they informally adopted her into their family and she severed all ties with her biological parents.

Ritz and Pearl - Pake and Beppe, as I call them - were present when my sister and I were born and Pake baptized both of us when we were young. I grew up seeing them as my grandparents and they claim me as their grandson. Their daughter Karen Palmer lives in Spokane with her husband Bruce Palmer and together they raised 23 children (6 biological, 17 were adopted) and while I was growing up, our families visited each other over the summers, holidays or any chance we could get to see each other.

I formed strong ties with many of my cousins growing up, but I did not see many of my cousins while I was in high school because our families were all too busy and since my cousins were all older, many had gotten married and started families of their own. However, those relationships were a huge reason why I came to Whitworth for my education. I had been accepted to Western Washington University and planned to attend that university since it was close to home and it was a fraction of the cost, but I threw it all away when I received an acceptance letter (and a few scholarships) from Whitworth and I realized that I was going to see a lot of my family again.

I have no desire to While I have been in Spokane, I have visited many members of my family and have established stronger connections with all of them, to the point where I see some of them as older brothers and sisters, similar to how my dad saw the Tadema kids while he was growing up.